My Uncle.

I'd thought about writing a blog about my thoughts about my uncle and his death, and the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to do it. So, here it goes.

Honestly, I didn't know my uncle as well as I'd like to think I did. I saw him a little more than occasionally, meaning on holidays and randomly when my dad would decide to make steak dinners. It's funny, though. Because even though we didn't hang out so often, my uncle Lars knew the perfect gifts to give to me on holidays and birthdays. On my birthday he gave me a picture with the five elements of Feng Shui in the original Kanji characters. I'm a freak about anything Asian, so the fact that he knew I would like it shows something.

It's saddening to think that some people I have met who were friends with him probably knew him better than I did. (Seriously, no offense to anyone I've met. I appreciate you all and I KNOW you loved my uncle, and you love my dad as well as Jeanne-Marie, and I can't thank you enough for loving them when I'm not there.) I know nieces and nephews aren't SUPPOSED to know everything about their uncles and aunts, though. My uncle loved me, and I loved him. Because blood is thick.

Even so, it kills me the most for not getting to know him because it was the same situation when my grandpa died. My grandpa died in 2001 (I believe) from Leukemia, and I've always regretted not getting to know him. And it's the same thing with my uncle Lars. It's worse because we knew he had cancer for a while before he died, and I didn't utilize all of the time I could have to see him more. Everyone has regrets, and that will always be one of mine.

I'm sad he's gone. I'm sad I didn't know him better. But I am mostly saddened for everyone around me. Especially my grandma and my dad. Especially especially my dad. My grandma was ready for the suffering to stop, and though my dad knew it was coming, he wasn't ready to let go of his (literal) life-long best friend. My uncle died on my grandma's birthday (isn't that some shit?) so that wasn't so convenient, but in a way, his death was a gift to himself as it was to her. He's in a better place, and she can take comfort in that fact. I'm sure my dad realizes this too, but I guess it's hard to actually wrap your brain around the fact that someone is gone.

Which brings me to my next point. My dad has a regret worse than mine.

A long time ago whenever Lars went to the doctor the first time for his problems, the doctor misdiagnosed him, telling him it was simply his hemorrhages. So he left it be, for a very, very long time. By the time his body had gotten worse, he went back to the doctor to find that he had stage 4/5 colon cancer. The doctors removed the large tumor with most of the cancer in it, but by that time it was already too late. There were spots of the cancer in other parts of his body. We went to different doctors after that, we even brought him up to Duke. But you know that when Duke can't do much for you, there isn't much you can do except wait. So, Lars did. He waited. He took chemotherapy for quite a while, but eventually he figured there was no point if he was going to be waiting either way.

My dad will always regret not getting a second opinion. Always. I think we will all have that thought haunting the back of our minds for the rest of our lives. The best I could tell my dad was that everything happens for a reason. There must've been a reason we didn't think to get a second opinion. Lars was a great man, and he deserved to go to heaven when he did. He's on to greater and higher things. Who would want to stay on this cruddy earth? He's with his father and grandparents now, and he's looking down on us hoping we will soon push through this tragedy.

My dad also told me that he was hoping for some kind of sign that Lars is around. Jeanne-Marie told him that she waited for signs like that with her family members (who also died of cancer) and that it just wasn't going to happen. I followed her statement with the fact that if Lars DID give him some kind of sign, he would be a ghost. He would be a lingering soul who hadn't gone to heaven, still searching for his purpose. I told my father he didn't WANT a sign from Lars. Eventually when time has passed and numbed our hearts it will be more comforting to understand this.

Bottom line: we all loved you, Lars. And you WILL be missed, every day.

PS, now that he's up in heaven, I always imagine him watching over me all the time, and I feel like he's judging my actions. I'd better spruce up! ;D

Biggest disappointment in a while. But not really.

So, I'm taking a fencing class this semester. Yes, it's totally fun, regardless of how bad I actually suck at the sport. I'm one of the three girls in the entire class, the rest of the class are males. (Note, this is a class of around 20 people.) So even though I suck, I still feel like a total badass for being a girl taking fencing.

ANYWAYS. To the point.

SO there's this guy in my fencing class. I won't say his name, and if he reads this then it is NOT going to be good. BUT! He's kind of cute. And it's SO obvious that we flirt (or so I thought). Like, SUPER obvious (or so I thought). It's not just flirting because we are flirtatious people (or so I thought) but it seemed like actual interest flirting (OR. SO. I. THOUGHT.).

This I was excited for. (NOT ANYMORE)

So recently, I added him on Facebook, thinking perhaps this would open a door to more communication. Maybe he would ask for my number. Or maybe we could just be better friends. WRONG-O. I added him, and not only did I find out he'd been in a relationship for over two years, but he is engaged.

Engaged.

Engaged....

ENGAGED!?! WHAT THE HECK! ENGAGED?!?!! LIKE, GOING TO MARRY SOMEONE ENGAGED!? FIANCÉE SOON TO BE HUSBAND AND WIFE ENGAGED???????

I am sorry sir, but if you are going to be engaged then you need to control your flirtatious habits and just not talk to me. You are in your early twenties and engaged. You are not fully grown yet. You should have shed your flirtatious ways by now if you're ready to make a huge commitment.

At first I took the engagement for (translation: desperately hoping for) one of those silly best friend relationship/engagements/marriages. Ones that aren't legit. You know, the kind where you're like, "Oh let's be married on Facebook tehehehehehe and see if people believe us teheheheheheeh~~~~."

Nope.

After doing some further Facebook stalking I realized that he had pictures of him and his [nngh] fiancée posted way back in 2008, and they looked very happy and lovey-dovey. And don't get me wrong, I am happy for him.

But don't flirt with me. Or the other two girls in the fencing class. Flirt with your FIANCÉE, DAMNIT.

I received an award almost two months ago!

I didn't even realize it, but fellow blogger She Looks Like a Haddock gave me a "Life is Good" award on February 1st, 2011. Thank you so much! I also give the reward back to her, because all of her posts are freaking hilarious. I will post the response questions at the end.

I haven't blogged in so long. I've been busy with school and work and Facebook and whatnot. I also haven't been able to keep up with my 365 project, which is a HUGE disappointment. I recently sold my Canon Rebel Xsi, and I just purchased a Canon Rebel T1i that should be arriving in the mail in two weeks tops.

I'll cut to a chase and tell you a funny joke that I heard from my friend O'Shay.

Ahem.

"So these two guys walk into a bar. The first guy says, 'I'd like some H2O, please.' And the bartender gives him the drink. The second guy says, 'I'd like some H2O, too.' The bar tender gave him the drink, and he died."

The joke is better when it's spoken aloud. H2O is water, obviously. But H2O2 is Hydrogen Peroxide, which can kill you.

Here's another joke!

Ahem.

"There are three guys. The first two walk into a bar. The third one ducks."

HA! That's a knee slapper right there......I didn't get it the first time I was told that joke.

1. If you blog anonymously, are you happy doing this? If you aren't anonymous, do you wish you started out anonymously, so that you could be anonymous now?

I don't blog anonymously. Sometimes I wish I had started out anonymously, sometimes it's more fun that way. But I'm glad I stuck with writing as myself and not some anonymous creeper on the internet.


2. Describe an incident that shows your inner stubborn side.

I refuse to walk back from my car by myself when I am at USC. I always need my friends Logan or Will to walk me back, because I always get back late at night, and it's dark and scary in Columbia at night.

3. What do you see when you really look at yourself in the mirror?

What kind of question is this? I see myself.

4. What is your favorite summer cold drink?

Frozen Lemonade from Panera Bread.


5. When you take time for yourself, what do you do?

I nap. I watch TV. But mostly I take pictures.

6. Is there something that you still want to accomplish in your life?

Finish college, get a great job, move somewhere more interesting, get married, have ONE child, have a husky, so many things in so little time.


7. When you attended school, were you the class clown, the class overachiever, the shy person, or always ditching?

I was definitely the shy person. I still am. Anytime the teacher calls on me to answer a question, even if I know the answer my face will turn beat red.


8. If you close your eyes and want to visualize a very poignant moment in your life, what would you see?

I don't know what poignant is. Pass.


9. Is it easy for you to share your true self in your blog, or are you more comfortable writing posts about other people and events?

I am not uncomfortable writing about myself, but normally I prefer to write about things that happen to me, and if they happen to involved other people, then so be it.


10. If you had the choice to sit down and read a book or talk on the phone, which would you do and why?

Sit down and read a book. I hate talking on the phone.

My dad is funny.

Seriously. When he drinks he starts shouting in German, it's hilarious.

But what is REALLY funny is when I talk about how I have my mom's nose, and not his. He completely flips out. Everything else on my face is almost identical to his : same eyes, same mouth, same facial structure, etc. But he CAN NOT, WILL NOT, and SHALL NOT admit that I have my mother's nose. He has a very straight nose, with no bridge, and it's pretty much even. My nose, like my mom's, has a defined bridge towards the top, perfect for glasses to sit on. It also gets narrower towards the top as well.

No. My dad simply will not have it. He will get my step mom to look at the both of us in profile multiple times, and the answer is the same every time, "No, she doesn't have your nose, Steig." And my dad replies, "NO STINKIN' WAY! SCHEIßE!" ("scheiße: means "shit" in German, for those who didn't know.)

:D

Dreams.

This is such a common subject, but what are the craziest dreams you've ever had that you remember?

I've had so many. Dreams, nightmares, night terrors, etc. Dreams where I wished they weren't dreams. Dreams I wish I hadn't dreamed. Dreams that were foreshadows of things that happened in the near future. Dreams about people I didn't even think about until I dreamed about it. And so on and so forth.

Most commonly I have dreams that end in me jolting awake from my sleep because I tripped on something or stepped off a ledge and was about to fall. Those just plain suck.

One night a long time ago I had a night terror. I can't even remember what the dream was about, but I remember dreaming that I was vomiting (I'm sure you wanted to know that), and even though it was a dream I actually FELT like I was getting sick. (This is really bad because I have emetophobia: fear of vomiting). All I remember aside from that was falling (as mentioned earlier) and I jolted awake, sweating pools of sweat and crying as if I were about to face a painful death. I didn't even want to go back to sleep regardless of the fact that it was still dark outside.

This next dream in particular was really weird. I just remember one night dreaming that I was about to go to work. I got in my car, and it wouldn't start because the battery was dead. The next morning (I'm awake at this point) I was about to leave for my lunch shift at Red Bowl, and when I tried to start the car, guess what? You guessed it. The battery was dead. I'd accidentally left my car charger plugged in and it sucked up the rest of my battery's life.

Last night, I had an amazing dream. It was a dream that made me want to write this blog. Now that I'm writing about it almost 12 hours after I had it, I won't be able to give a lot of details. But I just remember someone granting me the ability to breath underwater, and I swam into the depths of a bathtub at my grandparents home, and I swam very deep into this bathtub. And towards the bottom (which was a lot deeper than any normal bathtub) there was this giant glowing ball. It was a beautiful purpley-pink color, and I broke through the exterior of this globe into some kind of magical world. I wanted to stay, but I remember having to come back up to the real world because we were having some kind of family reunion. At one point I went back and someone was trying to destroy my newly discovered "Atlantis," one of my former babysitters actually, and I remember the soft purpley-pink glow being gone and me not being able to break through the exterior into the world, as well as losing my ability to breath underwater. At the very end of my dream, I had just saved it and burst through the exterior back into the world, and I woke up.

I was so disappointed. I wanted to stay in this dream forever and ever.

Various nicknames acquired over the years.

After living for nearly 18.5 years, I've acquired several nicknames, be it through school, jobs, or just because my friends wanted to call me something other than plain old "Steigen" regardless of the fact that it isn't plain or old to begin with.

Here are the ones I can think of off the top of my head:

Ste (Bia)

Steigg (Jasmine)

Steiggy (Jessica, Meagan, Alex)

Stiego (Carowinds)

Steigenator (most common)

E Dong (Jes)

Sexy S**** (Jes, and no, the second isn't a cuss word)

Even Steigen (Neb)

Scuba Steig (Neb)

Steiglitz (Hugo Stiglitz from Inglorious Basterds)

Wrench Girl (Karen and Paige)

Steigasarus Rex (old Xbox Live gamertag)

Steigalicious (Neb)

Steigelz (Neb)

Steigelbear (Haleycakes)

The Steig (Top Gear)

Dr. Steigenheimer (inventor of the atomic bomb)

Stelgen (Riverside)

The names in parentheses are either the person who gave me the name or the reference to the name.

Another day at Red Bowl.

So, I was working a regular Friday morning lunch shift at Red Bowl yesterday, and an older couple, probably in their sixties, comes in to eat lunch. I sat them down at the booth that is located right behind the hostess stand. After doing so, I gave them their menus, and went back to my stand.

While I'm looking around the restaurant right after seating these people, I realize the woman unzipping her jacket. Okay, normal. NOT. As she starts zipping lower and lower, I realize this woman has nothing but a blue laced bra underneath her jacket.

I panic. Do I tell her that she doesn't have a shirt on? Does she REALIZE she doesn't have a shirt on? Does her husband notice? Has anyone else noticed? Did she purposely unzip her jacket well aware of the fact that she didn't have a shirt on DESPITE the fact that it is COMPLETELY inappropriate to dine in your undergarments?

Before I had time to clear my head of all of these thoughts, the woman, who has completely unzipped her jacket and is about to remove it, realizes the fact that she doesn't have a shirt on, and says to her prospective husband "Oh, I forgot that I don't have a shirt on underneath my jacket. That's embarrassing. I hope no one else saw that" in the calmest, most unphased voice ever. She zipped her jacket back up to the top, and went on her merry way.

Thank God I didn't have to tell her. Remember when you don't have shirts on under your jackets, kids, to avoid disasters like this.