From Anonymous, to Anonymous

Names have been replaced with "anonymous."

"Good morning.

It's Sunday the 18th and I was just sitting around drinking coffee. Almost made it to early church this morning but chickened out AGAIN. I'll call anonymous this week to see if I can hook up with them next Sunday and work back into it slowly I suppose. The house is empty without you in it good or bad, and I wanted you to know that in spite of my attempts at moving on, I know I'll never really be able to. I wonder if anyone really does? Maybe if there is a genuine hatred or outright animosity that would make it easier-such is not the case with us. I miss you every day no matter what I do. Some days are much better than others. They say that time heals all and 'just give it time.' I think all that time does is allow you to build scar tissue so you become more numb. I don't want to be numb. I want tinker bell to wave her magic wand and shower us with everything that would make all the fragments of our lives fall together like one of the puzzles anonymous puts together. Maybe they will, but jigsaws take a long time to finish. I'm not looking for sympathy. I just wanted you to know that I meant what I said when I told you that you have a piece of my heart that no one else will ever hold like you do. It's a big piece. Why we couldn't just fall together is a mystery to me- but I know it's me and not you. I think about you often, and have many regrets. I feel that there will never be a real closure, and maybe that's a good thing because I don't think that closure is what I'm looking for at this point.

Just needed to say this- adios."

I feel like I read this out of a book. This was an email written by someone very close to me; it makes me wish that I was their tinker bell.

“I believe in morality, which is doing right regardless of what I’m told, not religion, which is doing what I am told regardless of what is right.”

Honestly, I think everyone is entitled to their own opinions. And since the whole "keep your opinions to yourself" motto has never really worked, I figured I'd add to the ongoing debate.

There has been a lot of hype VERY recently about Chic-Fil-A and their support against same-sex marriage. What a lot of people don't realize is that they've been against same-sex marriage for a long time. People are just now starting to take notice.

I am going to do my best to keep religion (Christianity) out of this, because quite frankly I don't know enough about it or the Bible to have a solid argument. Plus, I don't care to discuss a book that has so many different interpretations to those who are close-minded.

I will say one thing though. There are so many Christian gays out there, and for them to be shunned by the majority of churches and "super" (aka Nazi) Christians because of their sexuality is disgusting.

My main point here is, who would willingly choose to be gay?

Think about it. Who would choose to go out of their way and force themselves to like the same sex just so they could be criticized for it later on? I can't explain WHY I am attracted to males, I just am. There is something physical that causes me to gravitate towards them, a force I can't explain. Homosexuality isn't a disease, it's a sexual orientation (and honestly, in my opinion, I'm beginning to think it's hereditary, but that's a topic for later on). Just like I can't explain WHY I am attracted to the opposite sex, I assume it is the same thing for people who are attracted to the same sex.

If my (future) husband is in the hospital, if I want to see him I am allowed because I am family. Gays do not have this privilege due to the fact that they cannot get married, and in an emergency situation, only family members are permitted to visit. If I was gay and in a relationship with my partner for longer than the average marriage lasts (because let's be honest, not very many do) I should have the right to see her.

I define myself loosely as the term "Christian" simply because I do believe in God for my own personal experiences and reasons, but I do not think that if God one day showed Himself to us that he would say "I created you, but no, you can't have the same rights as others because I must have messed you up somewhere along the way."

If Chic-Fil-A wants to support anti-same-sex marriage, they are entitled to that. Just like I am entitled to support an organization that is pro-same-sex marriage. 

Red Bowl Rules Pt. III

These are the continued rules that I wrote up while at work. Please abide by these rules if you ever come into Red Bowl, otherwise all employees will secretly hate you.

#33 If you prefer a booth/bar booth/anything but the party room, PLEASE speak up before we bring you to a table.

 #34 If you are sat at a table as opposed to a booth, please do not pout/sigh/give me a wretched look and refer to rule 33.

 #35 If you make a reservation, especially for a party of eight or more, PLEASE either actually show up, give us a notice that you're going to be late, or call us to let us know you're canceling/rescheduling. Don't just not show up.

 #36 Do not lie telling us you have a reservation. We know when you are lying, and it won't help you in the future.

 #37 We don't have buzzers. If you're waiting to be seated, please stay somewhat tuned in for your name. I have a very loud, commanding voice, and when you're sitting right next to the hostess stand and don't stand up after I've called your name three+ times, it's not me, it's you.

 #38 Tips work like this: 25% or above = you thought you were given excellent service. 20% = above average, received good service but are perhaps on a budget. 15% = average. Maybe your service wasn't the best, or you're a poor college student who really needs to save (shouldn't be eating out in the first place anyway, get back to ramen). 10% = Either you're stingy, don't know how to tip, or just received below average service. No tip = don't come back.

 #39 Don't talk back to Simon. You'll regret it 110%.

 #40 Please try to scoot your chairs in as much as you can while seated and when you leave. The more your chair is out, the more difficult it becomes to seat other customers.

 #41 Don't bring previous trash in from your car/purse/whatever and put it in our trash cans/leave it on the table for us to throw away. We're not your personal dump.

 #41.5 ESPECIALLY don't bring in those little flossers and leave them on the table. That's just disgusting. Throw that shit away yourself.

#42 Please don't take the pages out of our drink menus and switch them out to be funny. It's not funny.

#43 Chopsticks are NOT drum sticks. Jeesh.

 #44 For the love of God do not TOUCH and/or PLAY ON THE FOUNTAIN. It's not a playground, it's a nice piece of art.

 #45 It's an Asian restaurant. When I point in a general direction of the restaurant to tell you to speak to the manager, use your logic to determine if it's the black guy or the asian guy talking to each other.

#46 Do NOT let your kids run around the restaurant unattended. I won't tell you how to parent your children, but letting them cause a ruckus is just unacceptable.

#47 If your child is continually screaming/crying/being loud, please take them outside until they've calmed down. The fountain is a nice relaxation area (not to be confused with a play ground; refer to rule 44)

#48 I can tell how sloppy of a eater you are by how much food is on the table/floor after you've left. Unless you're a child, try to keep your food on your plate.

Red Bowl Rules. Part II.

These are the continued rules that I wrote up while at work. Please abide by these rules if you ever come into Red Bowl, otherwise all employees will secretly hate you.

#22 Don't come up to us ten minutes after we tell you it'll be a 25 minute wait asking where you are on the list. We hate you.

#23 When making a reservation or telling the hostesses how many people are in your party, don't tell us you have a kid unless they need a booster or a high chair. We don't have kids menus.

#23.5 DO NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN STEAL, EAT, DROOL ON, OR BREAK THE CRAYONS WE GIVE TO THEM. By the end of the week all we have is poop brown or diarrhea brown. Or black. Or white.

#24 Don't put the sushi menus inside of the regular dinner menus. I know you think you're helping with our job, but you're not. If we wanted the sushi menus inside of the dinner menus, we would have put them there in the first place.

#25 When we are trying to sit a table or put a highchair around the table, and there is obviously no room for you to pass, PLEASE WAIT PATIENTLY. Don't waddle like a penguin trying to find a way to walk around me.

#26 I know that it's usually polite to respond with "You're Welcome" when someone says thank you. But typically hostesses like to hear a "thank you" in return rather than a "you're welcome."

#27 If I ask if you want to wait for a table or sit at the bar or sushi bar, or if you'd like an egg roll or spring roll, or if you'd like fried rice or white rice, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAKE UP YOUR MIND. PROMPTLY.

#28 Please stop talking on the phone or texting when you come up to the hostess stand. Let us seat you, then you may continue.

#29 If you see someone you know, PLEASE don't stop to talk to them until AFTER we have shown you to your table. Otherwise we have to stand there and wait until you're done talking. Waste. Of. Time.

#30 If we tell you it's a 15 to 20 minute wait, don't leave to go to another restaurant. By the time you drive to the next restaurant, you could have already been seated at Red Bowl. Waste of gas.

#31 Respond to us when we say "Thank you, have a good afternoon/night." Don't just ignore us. It's rude.

#32 Don't look at the hostess(es), then turn to the cashier and tell her "table for two." You OBVIOUSLY know that we are the ones who will be seating you. Y u do dat?

Red Bowl Rules.

These are rules that I and my previous co-worker Kaitlyn wrote up while at work. Please abide by these rules if you ever come into Red Bowl, otherwise all employees will secretly hate you.

#1 Yelling at me will not make me seat you faster. I can only ESTIMATE how long it will take for people to leave. Calm down.

#2 Looking at me for extended amounts of time but not saying a word makes you a chicken. Man up. I thought you were cute, too.

#3 Don't let your kid lick the glass after you just watched me clean it. If the windex shrinks his brain, I am not liable.

#4 Ming says don't call in with reservations for two. They are a waste of her time. Ha.

#5 Two messy children + a $60 check + great service and smiles = $3 tip. No, that is not how it works. Don't come back.

#6 Don't be super nice to me because you think I get some awesome discount that I will share. Because I don't. And I won't.

#7 When I ask for your name, it's not because I want to go to the movies with you, old man. I need it if you want a table.

#8 Just because I wear a name tag, it doesn't mean we are on a first name basis.

#9 Dear friends - The servers tell me if you are a terrible tipper...and I judge you.

#10 If you don't know Chinese don't expect to have a conversation with the chefs. Simon and Ming = translators.

#11 No, we do not have steaks and hamburgers. In case you didn't notice the sign, this is an ASIAN BISTRO.

#12 No, we do not do half orders. Complaining to Simon won't do anything, and neither will eating your soup poutily.

#13 If you're obviously older than us, don't call the hostesses "ma'am." We are too young for that. Just say please and thanks.

#14 Sometimes you just need to stop talking. Things get more awkward. I wish I could rewind and stuff my mouth with sushi.

#15 People who make rules for the employee discounts no longer applying to any sushi orders shall feel my wrath.

#16 Ming's words of wisdom while talking about someone who fake laughed: "I only like truth not fake." Always keep it real.

# 17 For the last time, NO, we are NOT a buffet. This isn't Amber, people. Red Bowl is clean, and classy. Oh, and better than Amber.

#18 Do NOT put your hands on the glass doors. PLEASE. That goes for you AND your kids.

#19 Don't look around the restaurant, notice that we have no booths available, and then continue to ask "Do you have a booth?"

#20 No talking what-so-ever. Unless Simon is in the kitchen. (Simon if you're reading this PLEASE DON'T HATE ME ^_^)

#21 Never, EVER let Steigen drink anything but water while on the clock. Otherwise, you shall feel her wrath.

My trip to the British Isles.

So many of you have asked how my trip went. And with a combination of the story being WAY to long to explain over text, and the fact that I don't like having to keep repeating myself, I thought I would write a nice 'ole blog for you curious cats out there.

CAUTION: This is going to be a lengthy blog. So pull up a chair, grab some popcorn, and enjoy.

First off, just a few tips for when traveling that I learned from this trip:

1) Always know what you're getting into before you go on a trip. ESPECIALLY a trip with a guided tour.

2) If you like to go at a fast pace, do not travel with any large group of old people. They will slow you down.

3) If you're rooming with someone who snores, make sure you bring sleeping medicine and earplugs. Even then, they probably won't work.

4) Wash your hands, take a shit ton of vitamins, bring any and every kind of medicine you own, and heck, buy one of those stupid doctor masks everyone wore during the swine flu crisis. If even one person is sick, it WILL get to the rest of the group.

5) Just fyi for those who didn't know, Duty Free is only tax free when you're leaving the country. I found that out the hard way.

Those are my five main tips I guess. But now, onto the great story that is my trip to the British Isles.

To start, I'm going to be completely honest. I was already skeptical about traveling with this group, because I KNEW it was going to be a lot of old people who were going to slow down my desired pace. But, hell, it was FOUR COUNTRIES we were visiting. And it was a super gracious gift from my grandma. No way in hell I was going to pass up such a great opportunity. So, I braced myself as I rode up with the YMCA'S Silver Fox retirement group to the Charlotte-Douglas airport.

When we arrived, everything seemed to be going smoothly. We checked our bags and headed over to our gate. While waiting for our flight, I grabbed a couple of bites to eat. I walked around. Shopped around. Read my books. Etc. As it got closer and closer to our departure time, the sky outside gradually got darker and darker. Seemed clear, or so we thought. We soon found out that our flight was delayed from 6:20 to 7 something. Our connecting flight to London from Atlanta wasn't until 10:50, so we figured we had plenty of time. Our flight got pushed back even more, to 8 something. At this point, we are freaking out a little. Then, our flight got pushed back even MORE. At this point, Jimmy (head of the group) called the airport in Atlanta to see if there was any way to hold the plane for us.

There wasn't. We had lost our flight from Atlanta to London. Which meant one of two things: we simply lost an entire day of our trip, or we were't going on the trip at all. I'm sure you can guess which of the two happened. Jimmy, after making phone calls for like, three hours straight, got us a flight to New York the next day, and then a flight to London after a 12 hour layover. Which means...yup. We slept in Charlotte-Douglas that night. One of the most uncomfortable nights of sleep ever. Plus, during all of this worry and panic, there was a HUGE storm outside, tornado warnings all around, and the power went out in the airport three times. THREE TIMES. It takes A LOT for the power to go out IN AN AIRPORT.

Anyways.

After an overnight stay at Charlotte Douglas and a 12+ hour layover in NYC, we finally boarded our plane, followed by an eight hour flight to London. We didn't have assigned seats on this flight, so we were able to sit anywhere we want. (I always grab an isle seat so I can get up and down easily.) I found an isle seat next to this really quite scary looking person. I sat down next to him, and glanced over. He was looking down towards the window, obviously trying to avoid any kind of eye contact or conversation. BUT MY FRIENDS, NOT ALL HOPE WAS LOST. One of my grandma's friends, Missy, kindly asked if we could switch seats. My seat had a little bit more leg room than hers, but she still had an isle seat. I immediately said yes, not only because of the person I was sitting next to, but because of the person she was sitting next to. She was sitting next to a really good-looking guy who she acquainted me with. His name was John, and he was 28. He was visiting Utah for some kind of math conference. I have to say, it was the best flight I've ever been on. We joked around, attempted to speak each others accents (I tried a British accent and he tried an American one), talked about our hobbies, where we've been, etc. At the end of the flight, you could tell our goodbye was too short. I still to this day regret not getting his Facebook info.

ANYWAY. Back to the reality of the trip that quickly popped my dream bubble.

Once we arrived in London, we got our bags and immediately had to get on a bus, only to DRIVE another six hours to our first hotel (since we missed our first actual day in London) with only one stop on the way. We got to our hotel just in time for me to shower before the welcome drink and dinner.

By the way, did I mention I was LEGAL OVER THERE? ALL FOUR COUNTRIES, BITCHES.

For the welcome drink they didn't even card me, but I didn't care. I drank this drink called WKD (pronounced "Wicked" which I didn't find out until we got to freaking Ireland, the 3rd country we visited -.-) and it tasted basically like a fizzy blue Popsicle with 4% vodka. It was delicious, and it was basically what I had almost the entire trip, aside from the small shot glass of Guinness I had in Ireland.

I'm not going to do a day-by-day of every country, by the way. I'm just going along with significant happenings. Such as the first official day of my trip. You see, the tour director gave us seating assignments. Each day you move up three seats from where you were sitting on one side, and on the other side you move three seats back. That way everyone had a chance to sit at the front of the bus for better picture taking. Well, I don't know if I've mentioned this yet, but I get carsick VERY easily, so I kindly asked the tour director if I could sit at the front of the bus. The first day I tried to sit at the front, and this couple that was with our group kind of bitched me out. Not the couple, just the husband. I was very polite and tried to tell the husband that I got carsick easily and needed to sit at the front. He replied with "Well I get carsick too! This isn't right" blah blah blah and then pretty much tattled on me to the tour director. I'm assuming he thought I was going to get an attitude, so I moved back a row so that I didn't cause problems, and I got to sit in the second row for the rest of the trip. Take that, ya douche.

Going from country to country I saw a lot of rolling plains. Lots of cows, lots of sheep. After we were done with England, we went to Scotland where we visited one of the two castles that inspired JK Rowling with her Harry Potter series. After the castle, me and the other two granddaughters on the trip were able to find H&M and the Swatch store (the two stores we were desperately waiting to go to) right next to each other. H&M was disappointing, but the swatch store on the other hand, was not. That is until I owned the zebra print watch I'd purchased for only a day until the zebra print started wearing off. NO BIG DEAL, JUST ABOUT A 55 DOLLAR WATCH.

Anyway. About that castle we visited? I pretty much skimmed the entire landscape. I wasn't interested so much in the architecture as much as I was in the accents and culture. BUT, what I DID find fascinating in this castle was this group of french boys. One in particular. He was Asian. A french Asian. I'm pretty sure I was the only one who was so amazed by this, does that make me racist? He was one of the biggest contradictions I'd ever seen, aside from the Scotch-Korean guy in that Starburst commercial.

MOVING ON. The last good thing that happened in Scotland was visiting someone's farm for a full three course dinner. We had cream of vegetable soup as the appetizer, lamb as the main course, and then this macaroon sort of desert. It was all so very delicious. During the course of this dining experience there was a lot of singing and beating of a Scottish drum? Irish drum? I don't know, but it was intense. Then our giant group was split up into two sides, and we each had to memorize a chorus to a song and whichever team was better got a prize. The team I was on was totally loud and upbeat, we even jumped out of our chairs at one point, while the other team sat down the entire time and was totally unimpressive. Can you guess which team won the prize? NOT OURS, DARN IT. The prize ended up being a sample bottle of Irish Whiskey though, which was awarded to the leader of the other team. I didn't feel so defeated after all.

I'm totally lying. I was pissed our team didn't win.

ON TO IRELAND! We had to take a faerie to and from Ireland, about three hours long each way. I get car sick easily, and I also get sea sick easily. But I made it out alright. I've got to say, Ireland was probably my least favorite country to visit. It didn't have anything to do with the actual country, but the fact that I knew I was in a country that was basically a large island. That made me feel stranded. Does that make me weird? I assume so. Ireland was pretty much the only country that we had a leisurely day to shop and do whatever we wanted. Know what I did on that day? I found a piercing parlor, and was SUPER CLOSE to getting my nose pierced. The only reason I didn't was because the air pressure from the flights back home probably would've made my piercing swell to the point of exploding all over my face. That'd be a cool story to tell. NOT.

On one of our last days going from Ireland to Wales, I realize that I'm beginning to not feel so well. I knew there was a sickness going around the bus, so I'd been popping vitamin pills like I was a complete addict. But they were no match for the viral infection I received. Luckily I brought my Mucinex and Ban Lan Gen tea with me, and took these remedies as well as my daily vitamins. I slept as much as I possibly could, and honestly the sickness stopped quicker than it would have had I not brought the mucinex and tea. Also, the flights home were so much more smooth than the flights coming to London. We had no delays, no missed flights, nothing. All flights were in order and on time.

When we arrived back in Rock Hill, it was literally in the knick of time, because right after everyone had gathered their bags and we were headed outside to the bus, we saw huge lightning bolts across the sky and heard loud thunder claps shortly after. I can manage having delayed flights going to our destination, but having problems when you're trying to return home? Oh, I would've cried if I'd been stuck for even another hour.

All in all, a worth wile tripe. I was able to get my dad some Irish Whiskey, and I got my mom a really beautiful Waterford Crystal sunflower. I'm pretty sure I hit all of the main points. If not, I can always come back and add more. :3

My Uncle.

I'd thought about writing a blog about my thoughts about my uncle and his death, and the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to do it. So, here it goes.

Honestly, I didn't know my uncle as well as I'd like to think I did. I saw him a little more than occasionally, meaning on holidays and randomly when my dad would decide to make steak dinners. It's funny, though. Because even though we didn't hang out so often, my uncle Lars knew the perfect gifts to give to me on holidays and birthdays. On my birthday he gave me a picture with the five elements of Feng Shui in the original Kanji characters. I'm a freak about anything Asian, so the fact that he knew I would like it shows something.

It's saddening to think that some people I have met who were friends with him probably knew him better than I did. (Seriously, no offense to anyone I've met. I appreciate you all and I KNOW you loved my uncle, and you love my dad as well as Jeanne-Marie, and I can't thank you enough for loving them when I'm not there.) I know nieces and nephews aren't SUPPOSED to know everything about their uncles and aunts, though. My uncle loved me, and I loved him. Because blood is thick.

Even so, it kills me the most for not getting to know him because it was the same situation when my grandpa died. My grandpa died in 2001 (I believe) from Leukemia, and I've always regretted not getting to know him. And it's the same thing with my uncle Lars. It's worse because we knew he had cancer for a while before he died, and I didn't utilize all of the time I could have to see him more. Everyone has regrets, and that will always be one of mine.

I'm sad he's gone. I'm sad I didn't know him better. But I am mostly saddened for everyone around me. Especially my grandma and my dad. Especially especially my dad. My grandma was ready for the suffering to stop, and though my dad knew it was coming, he wasn't ready to let go of his (literal) life-long best friend. My uncle died on my grandma's birthday (isn't that some shit?) so that wasn't so convenient, but in a way, his death was a gift to himself as it was to her. He's in a better place, and she can take comfort in that fact. I'm sure my dad realizes this too, but I guess it's hard to actually wrap your brain around the fact that someone is gone.

Which brings me to my next point. My dad has a regret worse than mine.

A long time ago whenever Lars went to the doctor the first time for his problems, the doctor misdiagnosed him, telling him it was simply his hemorrhages. So he left it be, for a very, very long time. By the time his body had gotten worse, he went back to the doctor to find that he had stage 4/5 colon cancer. The doctors removed the large tumor with most of the cancer in it, but by that time it was already too late. There were spots of the cancer in other parts of his body. We went to different doctors after that, we even brought him up to Duke. But you know that when Duke can't do much for you, there isn't much you can do except wait. So, Lars did. He waited. He took chemotherapy for quite a while, but eventually he figured there was no point if he was going to be waiting either way.

My dad will always regret not getting a second opinion. Always. I think we will all have that thought haunting the back of our minds for the rest of our lives. The best I could tell my dad was that everything happens for a reason. There must've been a reason we didn't think to get a second opinion. Lars was a great man, and he deserved to go to heaven when he did. He's on to greater and higher things. Who would want to stay on this cruddy earth? He's with his father and grandparents now, and he's looking down on us hoping we will soon push through this tragedy.

My dad also told me that he was hoping for some kind of sign that Lars is around. Jeanne-Marie told him that she waited for signs like that with her family members (who also died of cancer) and that it just wasn't going to happen. I followed her statement with the fact that if Lars DID give him some kind of sign, he would be a ghost. He would be a lingering soul who hadn't gone to heaven, still searching for his purpose. I told my father he didn't WANT a sign from Lars. Eventually when time has passed and numbed our hearts it will be more comforting to understand this.

Bottom line: we all loved you, Lars. And you WILL be missed, every day.

PS, now that he's up in heaven, I always imagine him watching over me all the time, and I feel like he's judging my actions. I'd better spruce up! ;D