Have you ever thought about amnesia?

Sometimes when I'm studying at my desk for long periods of time, I get up for a break, forgetting the fact that my bed is lofted with metal. I get up suddenly, and sit back down suddenly from hitting my head on the metal, followed by throbbing pain.

When I do this, or hit my head on anything for that matter, I wonder about if I got amnesia from hitting my head too hard. I wonder about the following:

1) How would I remember anything, and how much I would forget?

2) Would I need to retake a lot of my classes?

3) If people I'd met recently came up to me and told me their relationship to me, would I believe them?

4) Would I forget how to do my job at Red Bowl?

It's sad that I actually thought about if I would forget how to host correctly at Red Bowl. But honestly, that would be a disaster.

I know this is somewhat similar to the death blog. But it's these kinds of things that I think about that make me wonder, and it's so difficult to wrap my brain around. Kind of like it's hard to wrap my brain around the concept of a black hole.

Hopefully I won't get amnesia anytime soon. Because that would be quite terrible.

Currently listening to: Anonanimal by Andrew Bird

I like tattoos and piercings.

Like, a lot.

But you know what prevents me from getting even more piercings and my first tattoo?

1) Fear of my mother seeing it and me facing her wrath. (Oh dear.)

2) Fear of not getting a job.

I mean, sure, I could get a tattoo that was easy to hide, but then what would be the point of that? Nothing, I say. Nothing. And there IS a way to make a lot of holes in my ears look classy...ok, maybe not.

I have two tattoo ideas. One of them is something I've been thinking of for

about half a year now, and it's two koi fish (one black with a white spot, one white with a black spot) swimming around each other in a circle to form the Yin Yang symbol. Something like this:

Or like this:

I kind of want it to be small and go on my wrist. But that would be SUPER HARD to hide. Ugh.

My other tattoo that I have in mind has a lot more meaning. Before I actually lived in Brazil, my mom and I visited there each summer three summers prior; every time we visited, I would always get a henna tattoo of this kind of stenciled panther. It looked really cool, and I got the same one every year, in the same spot on my right upper shoulder. So what I wanted to do was get the real thing, either in the same spot, or perhaps on a shoulder blade. And in the eye of the panther I would have the Brazilian flag reflected in it.

As for piercings, I just really want my nose pierced, but fear that it wouldn't look right on me.

-sigh- Decisions decisions.

Currently listening to: Hide Your Love Away by Pearl Jam

Second guessing.

I have a really bad habit of second guessing myself.

As you may or may not know, recently I've REALLY been getting into photography. I received a Canon 12 megapixel Xsi SLR camera this past Christ

mas from my dear grandmother, and I've been putting it to more and more use every day.

I'm excited because hopefully THIS Christmas, which is only about a month and a half away, I will receive an external flash for said camera. I ALSO got a job at the Red Bowl Asian Bistro near campus (ok, maybe not near, about half an hour actually) and hope to save up for a Telephoto lens for long distance shots, and perhaps a Macro lens to take close, detailed shots.

All of this excitement makes me wonder: Am I in the right major? I'

m currently aspiring to enter the International Business program here at USC, and if I don't, I'd do Management and Management Science (global supply chain). This has NOTHING to do with photography, something I really enjoy. Although, I AM taking German and Mandarin, which I DO enjoy.

Can you see why I'm at a loss here?

I want to travel the world and be successful. And by successful, I mean I want to live comfortably. With photography, it's either you make it big or you don't. Which is bad.

DING. I think I just answered my own question: Keep sticking wit

h International Business, and if I do end up traveling the world, take pictures and document it. Do small jobs, be in in the US or in Germany or Switzerland

or China or Taiwan or Australia or Japan or ANYWHERE in the world.

Here's a picture from my latest outing with Jes:

Currently listening to: Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap